my best ever had.

this song dedicated for my lovely boy :)

"when you love someone"

I love you but it’s not so easy to make you here with me

I wanna touch and hold you forever

But you’re still in my dream

And I can't stand to wait ‘till nite is coming to my life

But I still have a time to break a silence

When you love someone

just be brave to say that you want him to be with you

when you hold your love

don’t ever let it go or you will loose your chance

to make your dreams come true...

I used to hide and watch you from a distance and i knew you realized

I was looking for a time to get closer at least to say... “hello”

And I can’t stand to wait your love is coming to my life

When you love someonejust be brave to say that you want him to be with you

when you hold your love

don’t ever let it goor you will loose your chance to make your dreams come true...

"And I never thought that I’m so strong

I stuck on you and wait so long

but when love comes it can’t be wrong

Don’t ever give up just try and try to get what you want

Cause love will find the way...."

When you love someone just be brave to say that you want him to be with you

when you hold your love

don’t ever let it go or you will loose your chance

to make your dreams come true...

wonderful night.

gilaaa cepet banget!!

time is really running out!!!

weww,,

i just wrote my diary,which i'm goin to send it to LA while he got back there :)

'25 dec 2009'

it was the best night.i felt so so happy.like i was the happiest person ever in this world..

thank you for that h.i view,buat sate ayamnya,even anehh rasanya enakan punya abang" weee..

hihihi

*fireflies-owlcity :)

that pink rose,and *the proposal!,also russel's pin

hihihi :D

this is the firs time i treated like someone special,even i know that you didn't love me as i did :)

thank you tigana..

this day you still be mine.after 31 dec.i know i would be trash.

i wish it wont happen tigana,i wish it will not happen :(

i feel like my breath ends.my eyes close.there will no heartbeats.

like now.

it's for you :)

finnally i made it hihi yeeyy..
i'm very happy when u said it was the best gift you've ever had :)
fiuhh..:)
yeyy i met you..even pake iseng katanya ada n*lv huh!!
dasaarr isennggg!!!!
hihihi..
kasiann you matanya masi segitu merah nya :(
i'm very happy!
*dec 16th 2009

this is it.

i'm the happiest person ever when he said,"i am his girl."

"i'm very,very happy.

this is the best gift he ever had.

thank you baby,thank you SO MUCH."



this is the first time i made a gift like that.and guess what he liked it!

yeiiiiiiii...:)

please take me there.

"You would not believe your eyes

If ten million fireflies

Lit up the world as I fell asleep

'Cause they'd fill the open air

And leave teardrops everywhere

You'd think me rude

But I would just stand and stare

I'd like to make myself believe

That planet Earth turns slowly

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay

Awake when I'm asleep

'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I'd get a thousand hugs

From ten thousand lightning bugs

As they tried to teach me how to dance

To ten million fireflies

"I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes."

I got misty eyes as they said farewell"

please take me to the owl city.

wed,dec 16th 2009

i met him for real.i felt so right when i hugged him.

i felt like every pain is gone.felt like all of my worries were left in a sec.felt like there's no pain in my chest,i lost my breath,

caused that moments are what i waited for so long.

i don't know what happen to me after the time will come,

when the time say,"left him,mybe this is the best way to make him happy..".

i don't have any idea.caused i felt he is a half of my life.he is my energy.he is the most important part in my life.nobody could make me happy as he did.

i felt so bad when his friend asked,"did u ever take her to ur dad?".

guess what,it's like i lost my breath and i just look down,i felt that pain in my chest.

i dunno why i could love you this much..

i can't live without you.

i dunno what i supposed to do when i can't sleep,and you are not around.

what i supposed to do when nobody support me,

i feel like i live alone :(

today,dec 12th 2009

well tommorow is his birthday :)

i'm very happy :P

buth i'm a lil bit sad cause i'm not there when his birthday :(

yeiyyy,it's 3 pages left.then i'll finish all of my tasks.

everynight i pray,wish he'll like my bday present :)

even it's just a simple present..

i dun care if i sold my watch,tadinya mau gw jual tu hp tapi uda diilangin ama temen gw huh!

i'm happy,very happy.

i can't wait to give him that thing. :)

*smooch!

i.l.d

13th dec.

dear dii,

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY ..."

God gave a gift to the world when u were born,

a person who sees a person’s need and fills it.

Who encourages and lifts people up, who loved me the most.

I always pray for you, wish u all the best.

You’re not getting older dii, you’re getting better.

Happy birthday dii, you are very special, and u deserve the best,

I wish u a wonderful life, filled with love and happiness.

When we’re together, when we’re apart, you’re the first in my thoughts and the first in my heart.

Have a wonderful birthday.

i love u gede..:)

can't wait to see you :)

9 days left

i can't stop counting the days.9 days left to 17th dec 2009.hell yeah!! he'll comin back frm L.A to jakarta.

you know what?i'm worrying bout him,how he lost his weight and it made me speechless.it's not because i dun want he looks more than the last time i met him.but it's because he is unhealty,he's sick.how he tried to lose his weight,consume vagetable everyday,and exercising everyday.i can't stop blaming myself i'm not there when he needed me.

then what i'm thinking now is,

i can't stop crying if i remembered bout us.when he said,we're not meant to be together.

i knew dii,If we're not meant to be together,what should I suppose to do lose this feelin?

I'm so sad if I remembering bout that.

so sad if i remembering how u had a fight with your father,caused he didn't like me,at all..

it's hurtful,when i heard u say,"shir udahan yah.."

i can't stop trying to reach u back.

it's killin me to see u go away.it's not easy dii.it's not easy.

and when sitting in front of a mirror,i cried.why?

it's hurtful,when i remembering our memories.when u hugged me,and saw our reflection.how happy i am.

when we spent 5 days together.

when we chatted,we laughed,we cried..

when u give me that rose..

when i saw u go after u took me home,and you hugged me in front my house.left my house,left me.

it's hurful,when imagined what will i feel after 2 weeks later?..

all i can do is just close my eyes.and crying.

i will be :)

dear d,

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me
All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd goI know I let you down but it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go
I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay
I thought that I had everythingI didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestlyYou're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe 'cause you're here with me
And if I let you down, I'll turn it all around
'Cause I would never let you go
I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay
Without you I can't breathe
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I got, you're all I want, oh
'Cause without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see you're all I need?
And I will be, all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apart
And all my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay
I will be all that you want and get myself together
'Cause you keep me from falling apartAnd all my life,
I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day and make everything okay

*leona lewis-i will be

yes,i am a bitch!

i can't lie to my self how i hate him when he said i am a bitch ,such a liar bitch,he said that he's just fucked another girl causedhe was pretty drunk.all i can say is thank you for saying that to me.i can't mad or pissed off.i can't hate him.

i know i'm not rich enough for him.i always failed to make him happy ,to make him comfort with me as a girlfriend.it's all my bad habits brought me to this way but i already fixed it one by one.i quit all of em.i always saty at home after school.i never go anywhere every weekend not like i used to.i always trying to sleep even it's hard to sleep.i just spending my time to see him.even if from skype *hahah..

he wanted to me to do all of what he wants,i'd try for those.

i never say "i give up".

don't asky why caused the answer will be the same.

i dun care what shit happened to me,caused i did it,and i am very happy.

i always missing those moments,when we ate kfc *hihih :),

missing those moments when tricked me,missing how he made me jelousy..:)

missing when he gave that rose to me,that necklace,that earrings.

missing how he hugged me tightly and cried,the night before he got back.

missing how he hugged me tightly,and i cried in front my house,saw he leave.

missing him when he rode that letter to me,and i cried.

how i hate myself when anyone could make u happy,and i failed.and i always trying to make u happy with my own way.

how i hate myself and can't stop blaming myself when i remember all of the things when u said,you hate me,i'm really sorry if all of things that i've done it means nothing and for you i'm such a bitch.

hell yeah,

i am a bitch who fell in love with a nice guy like you.

yea i'm a bitch who always waiting for u in front of my laptop,until you wake up and had a good times even if i couldn't see u all the time for real,it's just from skype :)

i am a bitch who always crying all night long and always blaming herself said

"u just fucked another girl out there when u were pretty drunk",and all i could say " thank you for that information" :)

i can't stop hurting myself when u said "u love me in a wrong way",and u didn't like it.guess what?i still trying for that.

listen,

if u need someone to talk to and u feel lonely,

if you need a place where you can run,

if you need a shoulder to cry on,

if you can't sleep,

if you feel so mad,

if u need someone to love you,

here i am,me whiches u said a bitch :)

love,

a girl who really missed u badly.

hugs and kisses,

*shirley

somebody's me..

shirley itu ngga lebih dari seorang pecundang.
aku itu cengeng,
aku itu penakut,
aku itu pencemburu,
maaf shirley ngga setara.kesenjangan.
jauh banget" dari kata sempurna.
mau berusaha mencukupi sendiri,memang butuh waktu.pertanyaan nya masih sama,"sampe kapan?"
kadang keluar kata-kata,nyerah..nyerah.
tapi gw belum siap buat itu.jauh didalam pikiran dan hati masih marah.kalut.ancur.
sempet ngerasa kayak sampah.
ngga punya arti buat org itu,tapi ngga tau kenapa gw selalu berusaha biar punya arti buat orang itu.
rasanya bersalah banget setiap kali ngga bisa dan ngga mampu buat dia seneng.
kemudian ego bilang,"kan gw udah usaha,kenapa ngga dihargain?"
tapi kembali lagi gw bilang sama diri gw sendiri,"terussss!!!dia pasti bakal seneng..inget suatu hari nantii..:)"
ibarat jatoh,gw udah nyusrukkk lepekk wahh udah ngga berbentukk deh tuh kotorrnya..
tapi setiap gw denger dia bilang,"i love you",then i said,"i love you too.." terus dia bilangdia bilang "i know "..
gw ngerasa ego gw itu udah mati total!
mati rasa.
gw ngga bisa marah sama dia sedikit pun!
gw selalu ngerasaaa salahh banget kalo ngga bisa buat dia ketawa kayak temen kecilnya bisa buat dia ketawa.beda.
cemburu.engga sama sekali.
tapi heran.
ngga tau gimana caranya.
maaf gw ngga sekaya itu buat dia seneng.untuk hal itu gw ngga bisa nyalahin bapak gw nyalahin tuhan,nyalahin waktu,nyalahin keadaan.x(

i want u to remember this;
"And before you set me free..
Somebody wants you
Somebody needs you
Somebody dreams about you every single night
Somebody can't breath without you, it's lonely
Somebody hopes that one day you will see
That Somebody's Me.."


i.l.y *D.

terkadang kenapa apa yang kita mau selalu ngga sesuai apa yg kita harapkan sebelumnya.depresi.sejuta rasa,sampai rasanya obsesi menjadi satu hal yang menjadi racun dalam benak.egois turut tercampur didalamnya.cemburu telah sukses membunuh pikiran dan akal sehat.
selalu menyalahkan keadaan,menyalahkan diri sendiri,terus menyalahkan waktu.

everything will be alright..:)

"Sedih saat kau tak yakin kepadaku akan cintamu..
Jalan berliku takkan membuatku menyerah akan cintaku
Tatap mataku dan kau akan tau semuanya yg aku rasakan
Aku bertahan karna ku yakin cintamu kepadaku
Sekeras kau coba tuk mematikan hatiku
Tak akan terjadi yg aku tau kau hanya untukku
Aku bertahan ku akan tetap pada pendirianku..
Sekeras kau coba tuk membunuth cintaku
Yang aku tau kau hanya untuk ku.."


Me,
Cewek cengeng yg syg sama D.

everything will be alright..:)

"Sedih saat kau tak yakin kepadaku akan cintamu..
Jalan berliku takkan membuatku menyerah akan cintaku
Tatap mataku dan kau akan tau semuanya yg aku rasakan
Aku bertahan karna ku yakin cintamu kepadaku
Sekeras kau coba tuk mematikan hatiku
Tak akan terjadi yg aku tau kau hanya untukku
Aku bertahan ku akan tetap pada pendirianku..
Sekeras kau coba tuk membunuth cintaku
Yang aku tau kau hanya untuk ku.."


Me,
Cewek cengeng yg syg sama D.

i'm the HAPPIEST person today and ever!

"Boy,my heart is for u,
and u can't imagine how much i love u..
cause baby boy i dun ever want to let u go
i love u for sure,
and i dun wana stop this love..
cause i dunno if i can let u go,
my heart is for real and i know exactly how u feel :)
cause u know nothing that impossible,as long we altough will be unbreakable..
an u know

"nothing that impossible,as long we altough will be unbreakable"

..
I DUN EVER WANT TO LET U GO,

and there's no left i can say..

" Boy,
my HEART is for YOU,and YOU can't IMAGINE how much i love you x) "

me,
the girl who loves you MOST x)

silly? I THINK NOT!!

it's gettin late.. secara jam sana sama sini beda jauhh!! well it's not a big PROBS!!
last thursday,i met him for REAL. and hell yeah!!..
he's tottally good in every way.
even if sometimes he did some play and made me cried.well,it's kinda funny.
anyway..
Mr.D.T.G, even ;
ngga sabaran even semenit,
yang bikin kuku gw udah patah 3,
batal ngedance terpaksa naik motor ngebut hampir 8 menit dari puri sampe T.A ampir mampus,
isengin sampe gw nangis di starbucks padahal dia liatin gw dr atas ckckck..,
and guess what?
sampe bela-belain minum fattening pills buat nge-test..hahaha
then blablablablabla....
tapii it's very challanging!!
he gave me a rose before we had a dinner, woke me up and set a table for a breakfast..
and so much more..
there's a time i relized he's the best i ever had.
i 'll never say," i'll always love u!!" aaaaa BULLSHIT!! permainan kata-kata..:)
i love the way he starrin' at me the way he hug me,
the way he kissed me tenderly..
and the way he made me happy all the time..
he gave whatever i wanted.
even if i can't always give like he gave to me,but i'll do everything to make this long last..
some of my friends said,
"cher,u're crazy over him!definitely!"
then i said, "YES,I DO. he's very honest in every single part. and i am very appriciate,i do respect it,even if about his darkside. all of his confenssions that he told me.it'll never take me down. cause why? i don't care about what shit happened in his past.i know him well now. and guess what? i do love him dude!" that's my answers..
haha,


love yaa tigana!!