Januari 31, 2013

Trailer Nyanyian Angsa

Januari 06, 2012

chapters of laughter and pain.

what you would do if there only 2 choices,walk away and move on,or just stay till the final hours and you'll must move on.its just a simple words but hard to do,maybe this is just another story of love story.it's not about a giving up..it's about,limit.limit of my capability of being myself.sometimes i feel like walking around a dark room and find a needle.difficult..

i saw a scar.i need a bandage to wrap this scar so i could stop the bleed off.but sometimes when i feel lonely i really wanna rip the scar and yell to a thousand liar around me.''STOP LYING BASTARD!BACK OFF."

part one,
i found a light when i was cried aloud on my knees,restless,hopeless..then someone came along brought a candle and stay by my side.hugged me from the backside and said "it's gonna be alright,i'm here.."
suddenly i lost my fear for a while.and the tears won't dancing all around my eyes,there's a little smile.yes,i put on my lips politely.

part two,i called it process..
then i told every fears that i've got,i tried to open my heart and unlock it.thousand questions are written on my head,saids"am i ready?"..while you always trying to put ''trust and new other life" inside me..
i called it,process

part three,
i called it a brand new happiness in my life,i almost never believe that it can be happen to me.even you must share your life into 2 different partner.but this is my decision,i'll try no matter how hard the risks i have to keep it up..

part four,
cat fight..
arguing,arguing,and arguing about past..i wast try to let him know that i am done with my past,this is present,and thats why i live.and guess what you're still not believe me...then i'm thinking that i'm really done whit these kinda shits!i'm tired of every dramas we made,of leaving everything for thousand times.and you're still running and wanting me to stay while i said i've had enough..

part five..
it's hard if i'm saying,''i guess this is good bye.." i wish i can fake the hurt that i have inside,the fake that i should make when i'm not okay to you,and surrounds me.the fake that i should make when there's no call or message from you.this is another story about moving on,isn't it? what about there's a day that you won't be there when i really mean it to say good bye and leave you for real?

part six,
i'm still here with you in a different rooms,we talked by these message in my phone,i've choose read it and write another blog,cause ..nothing left to say..

dear life please be nice.
S.A 5:33 pm.

November 14, 2011

teardrops is a beautiful waterfall

dear my grandpa,yesterday my brother just turned 17  i was pretty sad,i told granny you came while i was sleeping.and three days later i came to visit  you in Hk.grand pa..now i met another guy.and i loved him..he took a really good care of me,not about materialist things grandpa..i felt lonely and all i need is just a hug. cause it heals everything..

dear my uncle up there,i miss you,how're you doin up there?we're missing you here,tell God to give us His bless in every step we take.

this pain,i still can't describe.

somehow,i feel lonely
sometimes i feel like giving up,

unless i got my mom,dad,my lovely brother and sister,last..you
i've been backstabbed with a few ex best friend here,grandpa..
they made me disappointed.like a lot..
and about D,he became a great bestfriend for me
i miss you grandpa,and granny she's missing you..she told me with her tears :)

i'm being good so far grandpa,i just ggained till 46 kilos from 39 since i was from Korea and Hk.
i wished you're with me now :(

April 06, 2011


aku duduk didalam ruangan yang tidak terlalu sempit.ruangan itu berukuran 3x4.aku terus memandangi rupa mereka yang begitu abstrak.yang aku rasa hanya kecewa.mereka begitu hina.mereka menyanyi merdu dengan ribuan kata rayuan sampah."bajingan,kamu tidak layak berpijak diatas tanah begitu juga bernafas layaknya seorang makhluk yang pantas untuk hidup.
"untuk mereka para anjing yang mash berkelana mencari keperawanan.kalian binatang hina."

shout LOUD


he turned me blue.


My past,yes it slow me down.

three words,less than perfect.plus one word,nothing.I called it perfect.

I stay far away from "perfection".I changed myself down infront of the mirror.looks so stupid,moron..sort of.

I laughed,I don't even know what did I laughed for.
I cried,I don't know why did I cry.
I screamed,I yelled for something I don't know too.

I'm numb.

Hmm,why do i do that..
Why do I do that,

I tried to put on some make up.then I picked a dumb piece of dress,I wore it.I took that sneakers.then I opened the door.I left my room.

It looks so bright,but suddenly rain came and dancin upon my head.I kept walking.

Finally I found this place,I sit in front of a camera.I pushed the record button.I saw the red light blinking.

I started to talk.

"Mybe I am stupid.I love this silly life.even too many option,too little time.I'm exhausted,too much expecting,spent my days for regretting.

Even right now,I'm waiting for something that I don't know.
When will I go from here,far away from here,I don't know when will I stop doing these stupidity.

Everything comes so fast.tasted a bitter sweet love.dancing with my own tears,smiled with my pain,slept with full of disappointment.this pain goes on and on.

The good news is,you left.the bad news is I'm still crying in the middle of the night.keep dreamin of being a time traveler.

I'm not that strong,mybe it won't take long..mybe just mybe."

Then I pressed the stop button.I took the camera off,and leave that place.

Welcome to my silly life.