Maret 31, 2010

silly,,it's just my imagination!

if someone ask me what do i want now? i really want to spent time together with someone i don't know,i wanna see sunrise and sunset coincide on the day of my birthday..
someday,on thursday morning coincide on the day of my birthday,our body lie on this white sands,it's just you and me.one happy morning two people will share,where there's only us.one warm july hearts will see a world,where we could share our story,we laugh,smile..someday on thursday morning there'll be no tears,we'll see sun rising,from east to west,when you hug me tightly and say,
"baby,i'm here.this is our first time watching sunrise.where it's just you and me.
where i could see you smile..."
then i said,
"baby,thank you..i could see sunrise with you,finally..i could listen the wind and seas.and the best part is,right here with you..:)"
then we will watch the sunset melt through an ocean blue,
having dinner under the stars,there's a chocolate cake,we're wearing the same colour clothes,yeah it's white,i'm wearing a white dress,and you are wearing a white shirt and white pants,then we walking trough red roses on the sands,there's so much candles,

we'll dance all night long after dinner,
then i said,"have you ever seen heaven yet?some people says,there's a place of great happiness, delight, or pleasure.
this is why they called heaven.i could feel it.like they said,"happiness"."
i wish it isn't just an imagination :(

Maret 30, 2010

encore..


,from his bday gift from me,then chapter1,chapter2,chapter3,and his video,which he played “fireflies..”


When I watched a part which I hold a rose from him,I got it when we had a dinner.

I still could feel how happy I am when,a guy loves his girl that much,how he tried to made his girl happy.u know what that was the first time I got a surprise,when a guy made a special dinner,candles “I love you”,a pink flower,how sweet..every I had a surprise I always be thankful to god..i could get a guy who cares and loved me that much,who wanted me to keep smile,who always say “u are very pretty ma baby girl..”,keep tellin me that I was his girl..”tellin his friends that he likes me bfore we had that relationship bfore,took a pict and he said he wanted me to sleep ontime and said ‘p.s I like you A LOT’ ”..i keep remembering that time,every morning or every we had a time fo webbie,he began with “heiyyy (wit his own style..hihih..)” until ma mom keep askin me,where is dii,we miss em..

I inget yang you kerjain I katanya mau ke sg padahal u masi disini,muncul” pake dasi shocking pink sama sepatu pake tali shocking pink,baby..i miss that part..

When we had a chat in ur car a day bfore you got back there..

“baby kalo you mau nakal you inget I aja pasti ga jadi nakal,you baik-baik disini jangan nakal,one day I jemput you muncul tiba-tiba disekolah you,u know what you are very pretty,I don’t want to see u cry,I hate when u cried.” Then u hug me tightly I rasanya ngga mau lepas..till now,kalo I lagi duduk di depan rumah,I keinget semua omongan you..

I miss the way we laughed,the way u made me jealous like EVERYTIME!!! Made me shock therapy..made me feel so happy when u said I’m ur babygirl.i miss when u woke me up,how u support me everytime I brokedown and cried.how u care about me..told me about those jokes..

Sampei masih inget banget” dii, tentang si poltak sama kakanya si ucok..

I suka ketawa” kalo I inge cara u ceritainnya..terus cerita burung perkutut sama pak haji :)

And when I lost him,my family,all of my fellas tried that hard to heal me,tried that hard to made me stop cryin,they keep tellin me that if I love him I must le him go,set him free..

Here I am dii,here I am trying as hard as I made you happy before .i tried to set u free…

One thing “If u need someone to talk to,need a shoulder,need any jokes to make u smile..baby here I am,”

U know what its not because I gave up lovin you,its caused I want you happy out there dii,here I am being a good pretender,cheering around,joking..hugging ma friend who cried, even tough I’m fragile..i fix every each part inside ma head,ma heart ma mind..

Dii take care disana..i wish we can be a good friends :)

Like we did before,I miss you gede d..

AM I GOOD PRETENDER?

Udah sebulan lebih,semuanya ngga berjalan cepet.buat gw ini lamaa bgt”,sebulan yg lalu masih bisa ketawa-ketawa..masih bisa liat namanya muncul pas dia telfon gw.gw masih ngerasa bersalah.gw mulai ngerubah setiap part di hidup gw.sekarang masa-masanya gw bosen ngeliat hidup gini” aja..kata orang gw seharusnya ngeliat hidup dari berbagai sisi..baru dari situ gw ada kemungkinan untuk ngerasain namanya idup sedikit lebih bahagia..


Sampe sekarang gw masih nyoba buat mendefinisikan arti “bahagia”..bukan seberapa mahal kita spent,bukan gimana kita cara dapetinnya.tapi lebih kepada kamu menimpati kesedihan dan penderitaan setiap harinya,

Gw nga tau belakangan ini gw memang kenal sama beberapa guy diluar sana,yea like he said,”shir cowo itu banyak..”,even gw ga reply email dia yg itu..tapi gw jawab dlm hati,’iya I tau banyak,tapi 1 : sekiar ribu bakan juta org yang bisa cocok.and one thing I can’t find a guy like him”..

Pada awalnya gw masi mencoba buat jadi “a good pretender” but I was fail.

Caused semakin keras gw nyoba buat jadi pretender yang baik,rasa kangen gw udh gabisa gw simpen rapet-rapet,semakin lama semain nyesek gw nyalain diri sendiri.then I realized,gw nikmatin aja rasa kaya gini sendiri.cauesd no one can help.karna pada dasarnya,hidup itu bersifat individual kok,dimana manusia pada akhirnya akan hidup sendiri,bahkan mati aja sendiri’’ diadilinnya..

Kalo boleh gw mundurin waktu..gw mau balik ke smp lagi,gatau kenapa pas smp gag a kepkiran masalah cowok,cukup pnya bestfriends yg superr!!itu udh bener” ngisi idup gw.

Sekarang gw ngga tau maunya apa,gw ngga tau apa yg gw cari,apa yg gw kejar,gw juga ngga tau apa yg mau gw lakuin selanjutnya.kadang gw mikir buat pergi dr ni rumah jauhhh-jauhhh,ke luar negri,gw idup sendiri,dang a akan pernah balik kesini lagi..dimana gw bias mencuci otak gw,gw ga bakalan punya masa lalu,dan semuanya berubah,mulai dr awal lagi..dimana gw ga punya memories satu pun.eventough gw ganti nama stelah gw amnesia,it’s not a big deal fo me..

Maret 12, 2010

DAMN!




gw ngga tau dari kmaren ngga bisa tidur,ngga ngerti apa yang gw mau,ngga tau apa yg gw pikirin,satu hal yg gw rasain..sesek banget.gw nangis setiap hari kaya org sakit jiwa,gw juga ngga tau apa yg gw tangisin..
gw kangen banget sama semua moments gw sama d,
gw ngerasa ancur,ngga tau mau mulai dari bagian mana..
semua org gw rasa muak liat kayak gini,nangis ga jelas,marah-marah terus..
gw ngga tau marah kenapa,kesel kenapa..
semuanya udah nyampur jadi satu
kesel bgt kayak gini,mau ngomong sama org lain males bgt rasanya.
coba aja waktu itu gw bisa bareng sama opa keatas sana..
gw nga bakal ngerasain kayak gini..
gw malu,gw benci ama diri gw sendiri,gw kosong..
semua isi kepala gw overloaded kalo bisa mledak ya mungkin mledak..
lagi" hari ini di panggil bk,tu guru'' pada eneg liatin gw telat melulu tiap hari,jarang masuk,try out ancur..
sumpah demi apapun gw capek bgt rasanya,bosen gini terus,
gw bosen semua org ga berenti ngeluarin kata-kata "MUTIARANYA!" berasa paling bener sedunia,ngatur gw ini itu,berasa robot.
kerjaan tiap hari skolah,makan,plg skolah,tidur subuh,ngedit vidoe,buat sketch setumpuk,paginya telat skolah ....
gitu-gitu terus..
gw ngga ngerti lagi deh,ujian ga konsen"
scratching tangan sendiri sampe ga ada rasa,mau bedarah kayak apapun..
FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDD UUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
STUPID,MORON!!!!!!!!!

Maret 07, 2010

(",)



two weeks i could feel what happiness is
two weeks for me to fall for you.

i keep trying to move on living this life without you,
i can't stop cring holding those roses,
I kept holding the rose flower which has now withered,
i continued to read every letter that you gave before,
""I may not have a right to make this say to you that no one person is perfect, I'm not perfect for you, nor you to me. we know, everything is not going dipaksain good jadinya.buat the love you really as I am, maybe I'm not the person most dear to you, many who would really love to you than I am now. moreover they know how good you are and how much you want to make them happy. like you who wish me happy. only stupid guy who do not want to be your guy, and I'm one ..
ps do not ever scared I will not be there for you because I'll be around and kicking, and there's nothing worth crying.especially no one, and someone like me does not even worth a drop of your tears.smiley ~ smiley "
happy new year,
jakarta dec 31st 2009
xxx "

I still can smell your presence every time I miss you..

yes,i am a dreamer.
because I'm a dreamer,
I satisfy my pain when i missed it
imagining all about em,
yes,before 3 weeks ago

I'm still sitting here,
accompanied by rain,
singing,
"It's been a long time since you called me
You got me feeling crazy
How can you walk away,
Everything stays the same
I just can not do it baby
What will it take to make you come back,
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I'm fine it just Is not true
I really need you in my life
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you .. "

everytime i miss you,
i don't know what to do,
don't know hot to tell you how much i miss you every single day..
caused every pieces me thier wants you..
I still can feel how happy I am right then,
the way you made me feel so right,
the way you hold me so tight,
and said,"baby girl,everything will be okay"
i felt terrible about it,
but I could not stop.
I could not stop writing to you.
I could not stop trying to tell you.

It's like those two weeks we spent
together were too perfect, you know?
It was not fair for me to have a few
weeks like that in a world like this,
and so we have to pay them back for it.
I think we've been paying them back for it ever since.

So although it is difficult,
Which means all I can do is wake up every
morning and say thank you. To the
sky. To no one. To everyone.

I want you to know, though,
that no matter how much time passes,
no matter how far away you are...

... on nights like these, you'll
always be here with me.

And more than anything else, I hope
that part of me is out there with
you, too ...

... wherever you may be.
It's a small gesture, but it's all
that I have. I hope that it is
enough.

Two weeks together.That's all it
took.
three months together.that's the best events in my life.

even though you hate me so,so it does not matter you're out there,
and I know you're so happy out there ..
one thing you should know ..
I'm still in the same place,
I'm not at all able to leave all of things about us,
i tried to push myself away.

everything looks dark,
while I was now blind, and mute
I lost my way to find you..
i lost my way..

a girl who missed u like hell.
ur used to baby girl,
shirley anggraini (",)

Maret 04, 2010

friendship :)


i miss this part
me and beh
me and ter
me and ren

masih di posisi yang sama ketika gw broke up,dan bestiest gw satu persatu ga disengaja putus juga,,
gw putus,tere putus,banyu juga,moren jg..haduhhhh..
napa gitu hahah.sekalinya jadian pada ansos (*anti social) hahahahhahh..gila yahh mau sejauh apa kta bertemen kita baliknya gini" ajah yah?!
ahahha..
i'm happy to have you all beh,ren,ter..love yaa all!
kita susah bareng seneng bareng..lo semua ada pas gw butuhin..even ada aja masalah between us,i hope kita ga bakalan putus" :)
mulai dari nakal bareng",semua"nya kita coba sama"..
gw seneng bgt bisa belajar jalanin hidup dan punya bst friends like you all :)
kangennn banget kalo inget" dulu.. :(
apalagi pas jaman smp,pas cabut bareng akirnya di scors bareng,gw ga tau kalo satu skolah lagi jadi apa kita hahaha..
gw takut if someday kita amit"nya berantem hebat terus musuhan :(
ga enak banget ("NO-NO-NO-NO!!!!)
sempet loh gw kebayang kita temenan sampe kita jadi mak",arisan bareng" hihih..
terus anak kita main bareng,hahahah..
gw ga tau knapa jadi tuli blog isinya beginian,tiba" kangen kita main" bareng,keinget nangis bareng,inget ribut"nya kita pas smp,inget seberapa kita gilanya pas smp hahaha..coba bisa balik ke smp lagii..gw ga mau pinda skola sendiri hihih..
kita masi satu skolah sama" :p
kangennn bgt"!!!! :(

love yaa!