teardrops is a beautiful waterfall

dear my grandpa,yesterday my brother just turned 17  i was pretty sad,i told granny you came while i was sleeping.and three days later i came to visit  you in Hk.grand pa..now i met another guy.and i loved him..he took a really good care of me,not about materialist things grandpa..i felt lonely and all i need is just a hug. cause it heals everything..

dear my uncle up there,i miss you,how're you doin up there?we're missing you here,tell God to give us His bless in every step we take.

this pain,i still can't describe.
abstract

somehow,i feel lonely
sometimes i feel like giving up,

unless i got my mom,dad,my lovely brother and sister,last..you
i've been backstabbed with a few ex best friend here,grandpa..
they made me disappointed.like a lot..
and about D,he became a great bestfriend for me
i miss you grandpa,and granny she's missing you..she told me with her tears :)

i'm being good so far grandpa,i just ggained till 46 kilos from 39 since i was from Korea and Hk.
i wished you're with me now :(

hina.

aku duduk didalam ruangan yang tidak terlalu sempit.ruangan itu berukuran 3x4.aku terus memandangi rupa mereka yang begitu abstrak.yang aku rasa hanya kecewa.mereka begitu hina.mereka menyanyi merdu dengan ribuan kata rayuan sampah."bajingan,kamu tidak layak berpijak diatas tanah begitu juga bernafas layaknya seorang makhluk yang pantas untuk hidup.

"untuk mereka para anjing yang mash berkelana mencari keperawanan.kalian binatang hina."

shout LOUD

"enyah."

he turned me blue.

stupidity

My past,yes it slow me down.

three words,less than perfect.plus one word,nothing.I called it perfect.

I stay far away from "perfection".I changed myself down infront of the mirror.looks so stupid,moron..sort of.

I laughed,I don't even know what did I laughed for.
I cried,I don't know why did I cry.
I screamed,I yelled for something I don't know too.

I'm numb.

Hmm,why do i do that..
Why do I do that,

I tried to put on some make up.then I picked a dumb piece of dress,I wore it.I took that sneakers.then I opened the door.I left my room.

It looks so bright,but suddenly rain came and dancin upon my head.I kept walking.

Finally I found this place,I sit in front of a camera.I pushed the record button.I saw the red light blinking.

I started to talk.

"Mybe I am stupid.I love this silly life.even too many option,too little time.I'm exhausted,too much expecting,spent my days for regretting.

Even right now,I'm waiting for something that I don't know.
When will I go from here,far away from here,I don't know when will I stop doing these stupidity.

Everything comes so fast.tasted a bitter sweet love.dancing with my own tears,smiled with my pain,slept with full of disappointment.this pain goes on and on.

The good news is,you left.the bad news is I'm still crying in the middle of the night.keep dreamin of being a time traveler.

I'm not that strong,mybe it won't take long..mybe just mybe."

Then I pressed the stop button.I took the camera off,and leave that place.

Welcome to my silly life.

talking to the sun,

pagi mulai berbisik,matahari mengedip manja dan mencoba menembus serpihan kaca didalam ruangan ini.sesaat aku teringat bagaimana aku berteriak terhadap angin,mengeluh.bagaimana aku mencintaimu.ia hanya berlalu.

aku duduk terdiam.aku terpojok.sesaat aku mampu melihat bayangan.ia menari dengan gemulainya.mungkin mereka akan berkata,'aku mulai tidak waras'.aku menjelaskan bagaimana aku melihat dia,dan aku.disaat dia berlutut..meminta aku untuk tinggal.

antara aku terjerumus dalam sengatan matahari yang kian menusuk mata,atau aku masih menjelajahi imajinasi dan sketsa mimpi dialam bawah sadarku..

sesaat kau masuk ke dalam ruangan ini.dia berdiri tepat dihadapanku."aku disini.aku mencintaimu,selalu."

ternyata,

aku hanya tercambuk duri imajinasi.kian lama kian membunuh.

semakin aku mengkontrolnya,temakin aku merasakan betul apa arti kata perih,menyakitkan.mati rasa?mungkin.

hanya mungkin.

jika lebih baik adalah mungkin, baik saja tidak cukup..begitu matahari berbisik itu,sesaat aku terlelap dalam sendu..

good morning peeps.

6:04 AM

Deandra's room-and i still can't sleep.